Thursday, April 25, 2013

Chinese Family Relationships: Overview

It’s been a while. I hope you haven’t been slacking off as a lifetime Chinese student. I was actually doing more research and draft articles for this blog, though unpublished at this point. Fear not, I shall not give up on this blog. If I don’t post in more than a month, please review the older posts in the meantime.

Lately, I have been researching the topic of Chinese family relationships or kinship  I have a large family on both sides, which allowed me the opportunity to really know my relational terms while growing up. I also learned that no matter how much Chinese you know, there is always something that Chinese people are unfamiliar with or have forgotten. That is why I believe Chinese learning is a life-long process and some topics or areas deserved to be reviewed once again.

In my researching process, I have spent four days reviewing two dictionaries and looking for relevant, standard terms just for the basic family alone. I searched for all the possible terms that existed, ignoring irrelevant slang, nicknames, titles, and other definitions. You may have called your sister a pig your whole life, but that term will not be included in my chart. I have also seen in TV shows where some rich people address their fathers based on their titles (teacher, CEO, President, etc.), which creates some distance between them, but that is simply not a normal or loving way to call one’s parent. Because I have American influences, I have gotten creative, calling my paternal younger uncle, Sukie, most of my life instead of the proper term, (suk1 suk1 in Cantonese, shu1 shu5 in Mandarin).

I will leave the creative naming up to you, my readers, but at the very least, you should know the basic terms. If you do come up with a nickname, I hope it is a respectful term. Family is so important in Chinese culture that it is rare that I hear somebody call their family members a derogatory name. If I do hear it, I would think the speaker is uncultured and of course, disrespectful. Sometimes, the more offensive a name is, the more the term indicates how close you are with a person, but the term should never be so offensive that it makes a person uncomfortable or embarrassed. My paternal older Aunt, who is a proud grandma, calls her grandson, 菠蘿 / 菠萝 (gam1 bo1 lo1 in Cantonese / jin1 bo1 luo2 in Mandarin), which literally means, golden pineapple. People would ask my Aunt how her  菠蘿 / 菠萝 is doing. In the end, the nicknames should be endearing.

If you saw the comprehensive PowerPoint slide that I made on the basic family, you would be surprised.

Here is a screenshot:



Therefore, I had to make a quick chart as well for standard semi-formal terms. I will try to pick the most standard terminology for the quick reference chart.



Relatives

When you want to indicate that a person is a relative, you may use the term:
親戚 / 戚 (can1 cik1 in Cantonese, qin1 qi5 in Mandarin)

If you want to refer to somebody as your close relative, you may use the term:
親人 / - (can1 jan4 in Cantonese, qin1 ren2 in Mandarin)

What is a Close Relative?

Close relatives usually comprise of your immediate family, your father’s brother’s family, and your paternal grandparents. Basically, if you share your last name with a relative, you are considered “closer” to that person than a person who does not share your last name. A lot of people are forward-thinkers and may reject a male-dominated philosophy and call every relative their “close” relative so the actual meaning of the term may depend on the person as well. My aunts, being female, would reject this philosophy as they consider themselves just as “close” as their brothers are to the family. I originally introduced you to the semi-traditional meaning. If we really want to be super traditional, your sisters are not considered one of the “close” family members since they will be married off one day (if not already). The original 六親 (six [close] relatives – luk6 can1 in Cantonese, lu4 qin1 in Mandarin) are father, mother, older brother(s), younger brother(s), wife (in today’s terms: spouse), and son(s). I can explain more by adding the Chinese characters, but this can be explored in another post.

Practice:

I hope you are at the Chinese level where you know how to say, “He or she is my…”
If not, here’s a quick run-down of the words:

Cantonese (spoken-colloquial):
 keoi5 hai6 ngo5 ge3…
He/she is my…

Please read and pronounce in Cantonese:

親戚.
親戚.

Answer: He or she is my relative.
keoi5 hai6 ngo5 ge3 can1 cik1.
keoi5 hai6 ngo5 can1 cik1. 

The possessive word, is omitted when the speaker is referring to his or her 親人. I will leave it up to you whether to include it or not and many people find it strange or unnatural to use the possessive particle for family members since you don’t technically possess or own them. You might or might not hear or see the possessive particle being used, but it is usually left out of the sentence.

我爸. keoi5 hai6 ngo5 baa1*4 baa1.
He is my father.
* = You may pronounce baa1 or baa4 for the first .baa4 is the more common pronunciation. 

If you want to be formal or polite – Cantonese (spoken-colloquial):
位係() ni1 wai2 hai6 ngo5 (ge3)…
This [classifier for person] is my…

Please read and pronounce in Cantonese:
位係我爸.

Answer:
This [classifier for person] is my father.
ni1 wai2 hai6 ngo5 baa1*4 baa1.

Mandarin:
ta1 shi4 wo3 de5…
He is my…

ta1 shi4 wo3 de5…
She is my…

The pronunciations for “he” and “she” are the same in Mandarin, but the Chinese character is different.

Please read and pronounce in Mandarin:
. ta1 shi4 wo3 de5 qin1 qi5.

Here is the Taiwanese/Cantonese-Written phrase:
親戚. ta1 shi4 wo3 de5 qin1 qi5.
She is my relative.

The possessive word, is often omitted when the speaker is referring to his or her . I will leave it up to you whether to include it or not and many people find it strange or unnatural to use the possessive particle for family members since you don’t technically possess or own them. You might or might not hear or see the possessive particle being used, but it is usually left out of the sentence. In the last example, 親戚... is used more frequently than 親戚... according to Google search results since a close relative is a general term and not referring to anybody specific. Then again, everything seems to be a preference. I personally prefer that you go with the general flow of society and omit the possessive particle when you are specifically referring to your close relatives.

我爸. zhe4 shi4 wo3 ba4 ba5.
He is my father.

If you want to be formal:

這位人. zhewei4 shi4 wo3 de5 qin1 ren2.
這位親人. zhewei4 shi4 wo3 de5 qin1 ren(Taiwanese traditional characters and Cantonese-written characters).

This is a general statement so I personally added the character.

Filial Piety

I won’t mention filial piety at this point because I feel like this is something that is generally known. A child should respect parents and respect elders. Perhaps I’ll write up a post about it at a later point.

Given Names

This topic might or might not be obvious, but a Chinese person would never refer to an elder or address an elder by their actual given name. Some people in the United States call their parents, aunts, and uncles by their actual name, but that is disrespectful in Chinese culture. Calling an older relative by their title and then name (e.g. Uncle Bob) is more respectful, but still disrespectful in Chinese culture when addressing relatives. This is especially true for business relationships where last names are used along with titles. With friends, it may or may not be an issue depending on the age and relationship between you and your friend. However, if you are in a situation where you have to clarify a relative’s given name, then it is okay to mention it as a name. If I am talking about my father, I would say, “My father’s name is ______.”

I could seriously go on and on about the Chinese family topic, but I will spare you for now. There is still so much we can discuss about family and family history. There is so much I want to tell you, but we will stop here for today. Look for my other similar topics in the future.

I will continue explaining family members in detail in future posts. I don’t have all the answers, but it’s a start!
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