Lately, I have been researching the topic of Chinese family
relationships or kinship I have a large family on both sides, which allowed
me the opportunity to really know my relational terms while growing up. I also
learned that no matter how much Chinese you know, there is always something
that Chinese people are unfamiliar with or have forgotten. That is why I
believe Chinese learning is a life-long process and some topics or areas
deserved to be reviewed once again.
In my researching process, I have spent four days reviewing
two dictionaries and looking for relevant, standard terms just for the basic
family alone. I searched for all the possible terms that existed, ignoring
irrelevant slang, nicknames, titles, and other definitions. You may have called
your sister a pig your whole life, but that term will not be included in my
chart. I have also seen in TV shows where some rich people address their fathers
based on their titles (teacher, CEO, President, etc.), which creates some
distance between them, but that is simply not a normal or loving way to call
one’s parent. Because I have American influences, I have gotten creative,
calling my paternal younger uncle, Sukie, most of my life instead of the proper
term, 叔叔
(suk1 suk1 in Cantonese, 15 in Mandarin).
I will leave
the creative naming up to you, my readers, but at the very least, you should
know the basic terms. If you do come up with a nickname, I hope it is a
respectful term. Family is so important in Chinese culture that it is rare that
I hear somebody call their family members a derogatory name. If I do hear it, I
would think the speaker is uncultured and of course, disrespectful. Sometimes,
the more offensive a name is, the more the term indicates how close you are
with a person, but the term should never be so offensive that it makes a person
uncomfortable or embarrassed. My paternal older Aunt, who is a proud grandma,
calls her grandson, 金菠蘿 / 金菠萝 (gam1
bo1 lo1 in Cantonese / 1 12 in
Mandarin), which literally means, golden pineapple. People would
ask my Aunt how her 金菠蘿 / 金菠萝 is doing. In the end, the nicknames should be endearing.
If you saw the comprehensive PowerPoint slide that I made on the basic
family, you would be surprised.
Here is a screenshot:
Therefore, I had to make a quick chart as well for standard
semi-formal terms. I will try to pick the most standard terminology for the
quick reference chart.
Relatives
When you want to indicate that a person is a relative, you
may use the term:
親戚 / 亲戚 (can1
cik1 in Cantonese, 15 in
Mandarin)
If you want to refer to somebody as your
close relative, you may use the term:
親人 / 亲人- (can1
jan4 in Cantonese, 12 in
Mandarin)
What is a Close Relative?
Close relatives usually comprise of your
immediate family, your father’s brother’s family, and your paternal grandparents.
Basically, if you share your last name with a relative, you are considered
“closer” to that person than a person who does not share your last name. A lot
of people are forward-thinkers and may reject a male-dominated philosophy and
call every relative their “close” relative so the actual meaning of the term
may depend on the person as well. My aunts, being female, would reject this
philosophy as they consider themselves just as “close” as their brothers are to
the family. I originally introduced you to the semi-traditional meaning. If we
really want to be super traditional, your sisters are not considered one of the
“close” family members since they will be married off one day (if not already).
The original 六親 (six [close] relatives –
luk6 can1 in Cantonese, lu4 qin1 in Mandarin) are father, mother, older
brother(s), younger brother(s), wife (in today’s terms: spouse), and son(s). I
can explain more by adding the Chinese characters, but this can be explored in
another post.
Practice:
I hope you are at the Chinese level where you know how to
say, “He or she is my…”
If not, here’s a quick run-down of the words:
Cantonese (spoken-colloquial):
佢係我嘅… keoi5 hai6 ngo5
ge3…
He/she is my…
Please read and pronounce in Cantonese:
佢係我嘅親戚.
佢係我親戚.
Answer: He or she is my relative.
keoi5 hai6 ngo5
ge3 can1 cik1.
keoi5 hai6 ngo5
can1 cik1.
The possessive word, 嘅 is
omitted when the speaker is referring to his or her 親人. I will leave it up to you whether to include it or not
and many people find it strange or unnatural to use the possessive particle for
family members since you don’t technically possess or own them. You might or
might not hear or see the possessive particle being used, but it is usually
left out of the sentence.
佢係我爸爸. keoi5 hai6 ngo5
baa1*4 baa1.
He is my father.
* = You may pronounce baa1 or baa4 for the first 爸.baa4 is the more common pronunciation.
If you want to be formal or polite –
Cantonese (spoken-colloquial):
呢位係我(嘅) ni1 wai2 hai6 ngo5
(ge3)…
This [classifier for person] is my…
Please read and pronounce in Cantonese:
呢位係我爸爸.
Answer:
This [classifier for person] is my father.
ni1 wai2 hai6 ngo5 baa1*4 baa1.
Mandarin:
他是我的… 1 4 35…
He is my…
她是我的… 1 4 35…
She is my…
The pronunciations for “he” and “she”
are the same in Mandarin, but the Chinese character is different.
Please read and pronounce in Mandarin:
她是我的亲戚. 1 4 35 15.
Here is the Taiwanese/Cantonese-Written
phrase:
她是我的親戚. 1 4 35 15.
She is my relative.
The possessive word, 的 is
often omitted when the speaker is referring to his or her 亲人. I will leave it up to you whether
to include it or not and many people find it strange or unnatural to use the
possessive particle for family members since you don’t technically possess or
own them. You might or might not hear or see the possessive particle being
used, but it is usually left out of the sentence. In the last example, “我的親戚...”
is used more frequently than “我親戚...” according to Google search results since a close
relative is a general term and not referring to anybody specific. Then again,
everything seems to be a preference. I personally prefer that you go with the
general flow of society and omit the possessive particle when you are specifically referring to your close relatives.
他是我爸爸. 4 4 3ba4 ba5.
He is my father.
If you want to be formal:
這位是我的亲人. 4
4 4 35 12.
這位是我的親人. 4 4 4 35 12 (Taiwanese traditional characters and Cantonese-written characters).
This is a general statement so I personally added the 的 character.
Filial Piety
I won’t mention filial piety at this point because I feel
like this is something that is generally known. A child should respect parents
and respect elders. Perhaps I’ll write up a post about it at a later point.
Given Names
This topic might or might not be obvious, but a Chinese
person would never refer to an elder or address an elder by their actual given
name. Some people in the United States call their parents, aunts, and uncles by
their actual name, but that is disrespectful in Chinese culture. Calling an
older relative by their title and then name (e.g. Uncle Bob) is more respectful,
but still disrespectful in Chinese culture when addressing relatives. This is
especially true for business relationships where last names are used along with titles. With friends, it may or may not be
an issue depending on the age and relationship between you and your friend.
However, if you are in a situation where you have to clarify a relative’s given
name, then it is okay to mention it as a name. If I am talking about my father,
I would say, “My father’s name is ______.”
I could seriously go on and on about the Chinese family
topic, but I will spare you for now. There is still so much we can discuss
about family and family history. There is so much I want to tell you, but we
will stop here for today. Look for my other similar topics in the future.
I will continue explaining family members in detail in
future posts. I don’t have all the answers, but it’s a start!
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